Funny few days.
Reminds me of an excellent blog post I read (http://www.askmoxie.org/2012/09/free-but-not-cheap.html) that differentiates the job of parenting versus the relationship of parenting.
My summary - the job of parenting sometimes and often sucks. Sorry for the dreadful expression - but really no other words seemed to cut it. Also the jobs of parenting are 24/7 and groundhog day like. This is often the side of parenting you simply do not see or realise before you have kids.
Then there is the relationship you have with your children that starts in the womb and grows stronger and stronger with each year. It is all about the connection you have with your child - the ability to shape it and make it strong and beautiful.
The relationship is what gets you through the jobs. The relationship is where the joy of parenting is derived. Yet ironically the relationship can be built through the job, depending on our attitude towards the job. However you can build the relationship whilst outsourcing the jobs - for example, many fathers have wonderful relationships with their kids whilst doing less of the jobs.
So at times this week the job bogged me down. Particularly with W. My goodness me he is a challenge that I am yet to solve. Educating Mummy is definitely a work in progress early on in the raw materials phase of development when it comes to managing this 3 year old.
But W just popped his head in to say good night to me (he is already meant to be tucked into bed) and was just gorgeous, and so loving, that the relationship with him blinds me to the 4 hour tantrum this afternoon (well maybe not completely blinds me ....)
I really think this is why I love the literacy and numeracy stuff with T. To see him grow in love with reading and to help him see the wonderful patterns of numbers is such a joy to me - I am hoping - a basis for a long, loving relationship with him as a growing young man. MANY mother friends of mine are not in agreement with me there - it is just one of the jobs for them. They build their relationship with their children in other ways.
Isn't that what is cool about being a parent - you can do it whatever way you like! If only the world-at-large would respect that and not try and dictate what is the 'right' and 'wrong' way to parent. My personal view is so long as you do whatever way you parent JOYFULLY your children will be just fine. However sometimes that is the hardest thing to achieve - joyful parenting, when the jobs are swamping you and the relationships seem decades off being enjoyable.
On a personal note, am getting lots of very annoying Braxton Hicks. At 30 weeks. Oh my. The next 10 weeks are going to be loooooooong.
Builders are visiting to give us quotes on our back room/study. We need it so that we can still have an au pair next year and give T a room of his own downstairs, and for me to have a study to do the investment work. So our 5 bedroom house (!) will now become a 5 bedroom house plus study. There are not many houses with so many bedrooms available. Hope it does something to the capital value of the house in the long run. Is there a realestate.com.au specifically for big families?!
Two more sleeps until we go to the beach house at South Golden Beach (north of Brunswick Heads on the northern NSW coast). Can't actually see that far ahead yet .... still have to pack and buy groceries etc ... which is huge with 3 children. But shall deal with all that Saturday morning no doubt.
My wish for tomorrow:
May the jobs feel light and the relationships grow strong.
My (wishful/hopeful) affirmation for tonight:
I am learning to remain calm and positive at all times during my parenting day.
Labels: Groundhog days, Mommy wars, parenting, pregnancy
