Thank you so much to everyone for your interest and concern about my little W.
We had a good session with the psych. W was very well behaved and chatty and social. All I said to him before the appointment is that he was going to meet Michelle and play games & read stories with her about helping him feel less cranky at times. W didn't seem to put out by that and just asked if I was staying and I told him I would be in the next room with the door open.
Michelle started out talking with W about his family and who lived at his house, and his favourite toys etc. She wrote these down in a scrapbook. Honestly his answers aren't really what he does like most - she asked him if he had a toy that he snuggles up to at night which he doesn't really but he didn't mention a toy!
She also asked him what some feelings are - and wrote these down - he couldn't come up with many from what I recollect, but as I had E with me - I had to entertain him at the same time as try and listen in to what was going on in the other room!
Then she brought out "The Bears" cards. These are largish cards with bears on them showing diffent emotional states - 48 of them! They don't say specifically what each emotion is - so there are some that are hard to find precise words for - like a bear looking a combination of confused and scared? Some are obvious - like a smiling bear with a thumbs up, is good. A jumping, smiling bear would be excited. A crying bear would be sad. A bear with his head hanging down may be embarrassed.
William REALLY liked these and he did very well at labelling them. Michelle said when she asked if he felt like that sometimes he baulked a bit but he like talking about the bears' emotions (that is, not his own!). I was surprised to hear W describe the grumpy, cranky, angry bears as "like Daddy when he wants me to go to bed". And W said he felt like the sad and scared bear when Daddy did that! D was surprised and a bit shocked I think when I told him this. Last night as a result he was a little less assertive (dare I say, less aggressive) last night even though we had a very hard time getting W to sleep. After the class with Michelle, he fell asleep for 2 1/2 hours - I probably should have woken him - but he was exhausted from the morning park play, then swim, then class with Michelle.
Anyway after about 1/2 hour with W, I think he had had enough and was a bit distracted and wanted to play with Eddie and the toys in the room where I was. So I had a chat with Michelle. She remarked on his amazing attention span and comprehension for a 3 year old. I concurred with her, and it was kind of nice to hear something positive - though that positive (that is, the ability to focus and be single minded) is probably the root cause of the negative (intensity in emotion).
On a side note, I really wonder what W will do with his life! I am imagining a rock star, or modern artist, or something similarly creative and passionate. W, I don't think, will ever be a conformist. He will be smart and bright, but perhaps not at school but just in life generally. What a blessing I get to share that future with him and hope I can watch him develop and grow!
Anyway Michelle then suggested I buy a set of the bears cards and have a few of the key emotions on the fridge for all the family to share. Each day we can all talk about when we felt scared, or cranky, or angry, or tired, or happy or excited. So D went and bought these at a bookstore in Highgate Hill called Open Leaves.
William loves the bears and has since, yesterday's session used 'emotion' descriptives quite a lot. So that is indeed progress I think.
Next week Michelle is going to give him his first self-soothing strategy (not sure what that is). Eventually she wants him to be able to assess his emotions on a scale like a thermometer (red, yellow, green) and she only wants me to engage with him when he is at green. She says we will get to using a timed time out until he brings himself down to a green. Long way to go yet but it is a plan!
The Bears on the 'Fridge!
Labels: parenting, Psychology, Tantrums
