So I follow a lovely blog 71 Toes about a larger family (Christian, but I am cool with that even though I am atheist! Funnily enough, given lots of larger families tend to be religious - it's a breeding thing I guess - many of my blogs I follow are religious) and her latest was about a family tradition of a "Gratitude Tree" that they do as a family in the month of Thanksgiving.
On a side note, which will soon come out further in this blog - I love a lot of what religion (Christian, Judaism, Buddhism most specifically) stands for. My favourite philosopher of all time, Alain De Botton wrote a sensational book "Religion for Atheists" and basically I say "What he said!". He says it so well and is exactly what I believe .... anyway, read it if you feel that you love some things about religion just not the supernatural stuff! (On another side note, I met him at sushi only last year - he is English, touring to release this book - I was the MOST starstruck I have ever been and gushed over him and completely embarrassed myself - D laughed at me for a day. I still remember it with fondness. I heart Alain De Botton.)
A la Tony Robbins (I went to his weekend conference - "Unleashing the Power Within"- if you can see him, it is worth it), I so do not believe in reinventing the wheel. Poach, steal, copy as much as you can from people who are expert or who you simply respect. So I am going to do such from the 71 Toes lady as well as a Christian, Jewish and Buddhist writings on values and character.
(Could I perhaps be the first blog IN THE WORLD to discuss Alain De Botton and Tony Robbins in the same blog post? Not sure if either would be offended or just surprised?!)
ANYWAY, back to the origins of this post - starting next year I am going to gradually implement a series of monthly rituals and traditions for our family to instill the values I believe in. They are not based on a religion but rather on my and D's personal beliefs about what values make a person of character.
I have by no means finalised what these twelve or so values will be (I hope to have a special dinner once a month to acknowledge these values for the family). There is no hurry - our kids are still young, but I will start next year as T is getting to an age where these are all important. Seven year olds, it would appear, can develop some awful habits and 'attitude' if not properly corralled as we are discovering!
71 Toes suggests a 'Thankful Tree' where each member of the family writes on paper leaves everything they are grateful for and they create a family tree of these leaves, which they display for the month as a reminder of everything they appreciate and are grateful for in life. I love this. This will be a definite for us.
Also on the list is the equivalent of 'Lent' and 'Ramadin' - a month where we all give up something important to us as recognition that there are many in the world who have to go without. When D and I discussed this, I said I could give up wine and he could give up running. He baulked. See it is for all the family and not just the kids!
Also I like the 'Easter' tradition of renewal. What do we need to commit or recommit to? What do we need to bring 'new life' to in our lives. Examples might be getting along better with our brothers, being more loving to D for me, for D it might be recommiting to early bedtimes so as not to wake up grumpy, etc.
The Jewish faith have AWESOME rituals. A great author, Rabbi Shmuley, has written a book "10 Conversations you Need to Have with Your Children". I downloaded this on my Kindle app for iPad on recommendation from a friend, N who is also a Suzuki Piano mother.
The 10 conversations you must have with your children, per Rabbi Shmuley (cool name, hey?! I love the way it rolls off the tongue) include:
* Becoming the kind of person you want to be
* The centrality of childhood to life
* Developing a desire to know
* Bestowing dignity on others
* The importance of honoring the nurturers in our lives
* Learning how to forgive
* The significance of family and tradition
* Knowing you are loved
* Overcoming fear
* God's presence in our lives
So from this - I might create some rituals and traditions for our family around the core values of "Dignity & Respect", "Honouring the Feminine" (important with four boys), "Forgiveness" (so so so important), "Courage", "Self-Esteem" to think of just a few.
I am so excited at doing this and it is a real work in progress. I will keep you posted.... literally.
Any of my Christian friends - I would love some other thoughts on what values and traditions I can poach ...... look forward to hearing your recommendations! I don't have any Jewish or Buddhist or Islamic friends ... yet!
(PS Indeed this could be the only blog post in the world that mentions De Botton, Robbins AND Rabbi Shmuley!)
Labels: Atheist, Family Traditions, Large Family, Rabbi Shmuley, Religion, Tony Robbins
