Okay so I love the bit about educating my children and growing them into everything they want and can be. I mean this in all aspects of life - certainly not only academic or sporting achievements - but more to build their character and their values.
Well today I feel like I am failing.
Basically T has been having quite a few 'attitude' issues with, mainly D, but also with me in the last few weeks. We had that crazy weekend of swim carnivals which threw us all out of kilter, including missing five (5) days piano practice (I know - OMG!). Also D has been taking him out to do swimming training a few times, I have let him stay up a bit later than normal, and go to sleep in my bed, and various other 'treats' which have upset his routine.
School is crazy exciting with end of year activities - movie day yesterday, Christmas concerts coming up, excursion to the Lighthouse, etc.
Plus not to mention the whole anticipation of this new baby just around the corner (10 days and counting).....
The main problems with T are having to be nagged to get ready and out the door for everything. The organisation of the house has gone to the dogs since I struggle now to bend down - so I don't - which means things don't get put away. Which means that when D or T go to find something (swimmers, goggles, running shoes, sandals, lunchbox, homework sheets, etc) - they can't find them. And D and then T (or the other way around) have a meltdown and they end up running late (often not having actually found what they needed! For example, wearing W's swimmers to swim club last night!). And the whole family has this stressful 10 - 15 minutes with a ranting and raving D and T.
So last night, after Swim Club I had to have a serious talk with D about his lack of organisation, even in a house where every thing has a labelled (yes labelled) drawer such that nothing should need to be lost. And how if he doesn't role model unpacking and putting things away at the end of the day or activity, how will T or the other children do it. He accepted this and agreed he needed to do it better. And we both agreed that we can both be a bit messy at times (I agreed to this just so that he would get a small sense of a win in the argument - even though I don't think I am even on the same scale of messy as him!). And that this messiness causes stress.
With soon to be four children, and potentially seven people in this house - we simply cannot afford to get disorganised - it will be and has been pandemonium.
Anyway, I am completely off topic now, sort of.
So what happened today? Cricket. Apparently (not sure of the whole story yet) T threw a ball and it accidentally clipped his batting partner on the elbow such that he was so injured he had to go home with his Dad. It was accidental, but I am sure careless and unthinking as well. The boy's Dad, who is wonderful and actually won praise from me in my last blog about his commitment to swimming and cricket then texted D later because his son had requested that he doesn't bat with T again.
And I am sure that request would have not been because of the careless accident, but more a systemic issue that T is not the most thoughtful of batting partners. Perhaps he doesn't respond to running calls as he should (being away with the fairies) - not sure. But I trust this Dad so much I know that that request would not have been made lightly unless there was a damn good reason.
To top off the day, D was doing fielding coaching and requested T come in off the boundary. T, across the field, in front of everyone refused this request repeatedly such that D had to walk over and threaten to take him off the field altogether.
Then to add a poison cherry to that icecream sundae, T (who had taken a pretty dramatic catch apparently) demanded to be 'man of the match' even though he hadn't scored a run and stepped back onto his wickets to get out. Another boy had been awarded it due to his high score for batting. D decides who 'man of the match' is.
Where is my good sportsman? Where is my child of character that considers other people? Who is this 'it's all about me' child?
Oh dear.
And it is not just at cricket. Piano has been starting EVERY DAY with a tantrum from T that he doesn't want to do it (thank you five days off piano for starting this one up). I then threaten to deny something I know he won't give up (cricket, swimming etc). He then comes to the piano, and generally plays happily and willingly for an hour ("Mummy can we do the second movement of the sonatina left hand today .... please." Doesn't sound like a child who hates piano once he is sitting there)
At the aforeblogged swim carnival, when he came third in the backstroke he burst into tears and said "I want to win another gold medal!" We explained that you can't win everything and if he wanted to do better he need to practice more and practice the right things, etc. But still the teary tantrum.
Back to the drawing board all around I think.
Maybe we (D and I) are too competitive around T. I know we both are competitive but maybe for a 7 year old the nuance of competitiveness with good sportsmanship is lost as yet.
The question now is how to address this.
Firstly there is setting a consequence of such behaviour, which in turn first requires a very clear understanding being provided of what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Consequence must be removal from sport/activity immediately. D struggles to do this - I need to reinforce this with D.
Secondly there needs to be a 'thinking time' as to why that kind of behaviour is unacceptable and the implications for other people of that behaviour. We have to bring T out of this 'world revolves around me' sense that inadvertedly we have created.
Do we spoil him? Do we give him too much? Maybe. Probably.
So more reflection required for us on this one. Definitely a work in progress.
Labels: character, cricket, discipline, keeping it real, Suzuki piano, Swimming, values
