Wow 2013 already. It is going to be a big, fabulous year for the Newman household, I hope!
W starts kindy at the Norman Park C&K around the corner. Five days a fortnight. His first experience of kindy/daycare. I think he is going to love it. We have been talking about it so much, explaining how the Mummy's take the kids, then leave and then come back to pick them up (thanks Spot, as in Spot the Dog, as there is an excellent book about Spot's first day at school which explains this well) so I am confident we won't have separation anxiety (famous last words with W perhaps?!)
I am hoping to get E into two days a week childcare - somewhere in the area. All full at the moment apparently, which is surprising I think for his age group? But I will keep trying.
And this is of course S' first year of life! And all the excitement of learning to smile, roll over, bat at swinging toys on his play gym, grow teeth, discover hands and feet, crawl, mouth everything, pull himself up to standing, cruise around the furniture, watch his brothers, watch the wind move in the trees, come shopping with Mummy, perhaps even walk. They do so much in one year don't they?
T is in Year 2 with a great group of kids, including some boys who I hope will become good friends.
Looking back on 2012, I guess, it was, as always, all about the children. However being pregnant was a large (pardon the pun) part of it too. D and I managed to get away to Tasmania for an amazing experience at Saffire Freycinet. It seems like another life ago - having couple time without children - eating THE most amazing food and being in that wilderness environment. So glad we did it, even though it broke the bank. Now that we are poor, it seems an incredible indulgence, but I am still so glad we did it. It will be 'our' time again soon, but for now, it is definitely not 'our' time.
If you have been following my posts, you know that the last week or so have been a bit of a roller coaster of emotion for me.
I definitely set my expectations incorrectly in imagining what I could do, or we could do, once D went on holidays. Getting the house back under my control, without our au pairs, was my objective. I didin't realise how high my expectations of this were (I wanted everything sorted out - including, for example, drawers in the kitchen that had never been tidied or cleaned in probably a few years), nor how difficult it would be getting the time for either D or I to do this, whilst juggling four children including a newborn at home.
However I hope you will be pleased to know that I have found some degree of enlightenment (!) around this. Remember that suffering is caused by desire and ignorance. In my instance, it was the desire for an 'ordered home life' and the ignorance about what was possible for me to achieve at this time and the amount of work required to get my desire.
Letting go, as always, was the answer. And so I stopped berating myself for not getting done what I wanted or had set out to do. And, funnily enough, in doing so, now I am finding I can get it done. I believe that goals and objectives should absolutely be put formally out to the universe (writing them down, speaking them aloud) but then the KEY is to have non-attachment to the outcome, whilst still embracing the process or journey. As soon as I let go of the outcome, which was helped greatly by my humble pie blog post (talk about revealing my soul), it all seemed to come together.
In terms of managing S, I realised to my dismay, I was seeing S as 'difficult' or 'unsettled' - labelling this poor little soul who is only just learning to be a human being. I read a great article that reminded me and inspired me to talk to S about what was going on for him and I. When he cries, stop and think about what he is 'saying' to me, rather than immediately try and soothe him. And once I work out if it is hunger, boredom, wind or tiredness to TALK to him about that. To tell him that I will help him with his need. It was amazing! He immediately settled down when I started talking to him. And he has started doing that cooing back to me and leaving pauses between his coos so we can 'exchange' words. Truly gorgeous and it has made me so happy to 'see' him as the unique individual he is, already communicating. His crying, instead of being seen as a failure on my part, I now see as his way of talking to me. Once again, you would think by child number four I would know all this, but no, sometimes I seem to need to learn the same lesson a few times!
The discontent of the past few weeks I have felt has been around thinking I should be doing something other than what I am doing. For example, if it takes two hours to settle S at night, I am thinking about everything else I should be doing. Obviously, in hindsight, this is cause for suffering - not accepting the present, not being present to the present. So what if it takes two hours? Let go, Jane! Accept those two hours and be present, if not, actually enjoy them.
I must say, us mothers, are experts at getting done what needs to be done in super human timeframes. If I have ten minutes where S is settled not on me, I can empty the dishwasher, make coffee for D & I, make a doctor's appointment and start preparing dinner. I love him to bits, but D just cannot do any such thing. If D is holding the baby, well that is about all he can do comfortably. I joke, but am actually not joking, that if D is preparing dinner I can't ask him a question, as he will actually stop what he is doing (chopping etc) to answer me, so then we have a late dinner and the kids become feral and it all ends in tears, particularly mine. So not interrupting dinner preparation by D is critical.
Anyway what a strange ranting blog post today. Hope you all have a wonderful 2013! Find below some random latest shots of S!
Labels: Enlightenment, keeping it real, Newborn, Overcommitting, values
