Things are getting better ...

Yes well the first four weeks with a newborn are tough. Add three other boys all home from school, with no scheduled activities, plus a husband on holidays - it has been a really disruptive time!

However, things are definitely getting easier. And that is what I have been saying to D - it all gets easier from here. Each milestone is different and makes things a little easier in some ways. When S is eating solids, there will be less urgency for me to be around every moment of the day. When S is mobile he will need less holding. When E is at kindy or day care, there will be more time for other things, etc. The key, once again, to reiterate - is to NOT WISH IT AWAY.

I am very pleased to say, I am in a better headspace than my last family-related blog. I am really really loving little S now. He is getting to sleep much, much better. About a week ago, I realised that S is a baby that really dislikes being overstimulated - so not a good family to land in really! However it means, I have to put him to bed quickly once he starts to have enough. I can tell when he has had enough as he doesn't look me in the eye. That is his sign that he is over and out.

I also realised that all my rocking and shushing to get him to sleep was ALSO too overstimulating for him. I cried and hated it, but at one sleep time, I let him have a cry in his cot. He is a very loud, energetic crier - so it is emotionally toe-curling to hear it. But after FIVE MINUTES he was asleep. This is so much less time than if I had been rocking, shushing and jigging him around (sometimes that would take an hour). I realised that I had to let him do it on his own.

Now, I give him a long cuddle, after swaddling him, and put him down, calm, in his cot. I have to shush a bit if I have left it a bit late and he is crying already due to overstimulation. But once he is calm, I put him in his cot. I give him five minutes to have a cry. If he is still going, I go in and look at him. If his eyes are closed, I try just putting my hand firmly on his tummy to comfort him. Sometimes that works. He cries and then he literally goes off to sleep - incredible to see. If he is crying, eyes open, I pick him up and comfort him as best I can - very quietly, without too much jigging. I wait until he is calm again, and then put him down. I then give him another five minutes and repeat the process if need be.

Honestly, 'crying it out' at 5 weeks is not what I would ever recommend to do - I am against it. HOWEVER S showed me, when I stopped and listened and watched him, that he actually is better to be left along to go to sleep. He is happier, and I am a lot happier. It means I can be with the rest of my family - who also need me. So it is working, and he is sleeping longer as a result. At night, he is only waking once or twice and with no settling required. A quiet fist pump from me.

E is still struggling to adjust, little poppit. He is so upset so easily and so violent with both his brothers. D doesn't really understand that it is his way of seeking attention. W, too, is easily upset. Also, seeking attention. I find it very hard to be there for both of them as they need. D has had such a short fuse - like they are both doing it deliberately to annoy him. I need to help ALL of them 'manage their emotions'. It is very, very exhausting for me - being the mediator.

D does the mornings. He gets up with W and E - between 5.30am and 6.30am. D is not a morning person. So there is often lots of tears and yelling. I am trying to catch another hour's sleep - but it is noisy and I feel like I need to intervene. I don't, though, as a) I need my sleep and b) they need to learn to sort it all out without me. Not sure how long I can tolerate it though - everyone is so upset. I may need to start getting up to moderate.

D and I have had a few chats about managing the boys. He needs to not yell. He needs to be firm, but not lose it himself. It is hard for him. He is used to being at work, not home, and also used to having the au pair deal with the children. The loss of the au pair is felt primarily by D.

With S sleeping so much better, D and I have been having a few evenings together - watching foxtel movies, having a light beer together. Talking again. I have faith that as long as we keep talking we can work out the whole family dynamic. D is very coachable when I do it without nagging or irritation. Full credit to him for that.