On special request from a much loved blog reader (Hi gorgeous S!), an update on my little W, he of the emotional tsunami fame.
Well at the end of last year we had about five sessions with the child psychologist who was really great. I highly recommend her. M gave W and I and the whole family a set of tools for discussing and managing emotions. M also did some cognitive behavioural work using dolls and books and other things that W could understand around emotions and feelings. More on this here and here and here.
Definitely we have improved as a result of this work. When I say we I mean W, myself and indeed all the family. I need reminding of it as does D often (that is, 'stay in green voice' .... even when you feel like kicking the cat). W still has tantrums, of course, he is three and a half. HOWEVER we have not had an emotional tsunami that lasted hours since last year.
W is able to see what he is doing, and then is distractable or cuddlable. The tantrums, as with all toddlers, mainly occur when tired or hungry. So we have had a few since kindy started due to the tiredness. However I can generally turn it around within 15 minutes maximum - through an element of reason or force-by-calm. With W the calmer I am, the better he responds. Very hard when I am tired, S is screaming, E is climbing the walls, etc ...
So on another related point. Parenting four boys, in my experience, is the ULTIMATE test of managing your responses. A good day for me is how well I manage my responses, not how well the children behave. Because everyday they are tough. But some days I just manage it well within me. Well shall we say some hours I manage it well. Not sure if I have lasted a whole day yet. It is about breathing and not responding on face value. I think when I go back to real work, I will be able to handle ANY personality so well ..... take note A (my favourite boss)!
A classic from W. As you know he started kindy three weeks ago - his first childcare experience. For the first two weeks he cried when I left each morning, with the classic hiding behind my legs. However on Wednesday this week as we walked to the kindy, hand in hand, he turned to me and said, "I've decided not to cry today, Mummy". I told him that was great but didn't make too big a deal of it. Well guess what. Absolutely no tears, just a kiss and he was back into his activity. Three days in a row.
We still have the thermometer on the fridge as well as the bear cards. I think we will definitely need more reference to them as E and S grow. The challenge is to keep it fresh for D and I.
I think we will go see M again a few times this year, as we have the health insurance, more probably for my benefit but W really liked her and I think it would be great to consolidate his learnings. I might also get her to discuss bedtime a little as this seems to be our most likely time for a tantrum, and also managing his challenging younger brother E.
Reading some blogs about parenting (because, you know, it is addictive) there is some discussion about is it really harder to parent four boys than say four girls or a mix. The overwhelming conclusion is yes definitely. Oh great - I never do anything the easy way do I? In this baby/toddler stage it is the sheer physicality of boys (no long leisurely lattes for this little black duck). In the teenage years, well, I'll defer to S, who requested this blog post - as she is in charge of three teenage boys - a different kind of challenge and exhaustion I think!
Hmmm, four teenage boys, my future ... the mind boggles.
Labels: Psychology, Tantrums
