For those who know me - when I have a problem I have not yet solved - I go to ground. That old introvert Myers Briggs for you .... And I notice I have not blogged since 11 June. Yup in the bunker.
Why? Well I guess various reasons. Foremost - T's teacher contacted me via email to request a meeting to discuss issues/concerns she had with T. I was devastated - I guess T has always been my good boy, good student etc. Her email did not clarify what exactly the issues were - I had no idea as T had mentioned nothing - so I panicked and got all upset. I tried to see her asap as maybe I as conjuring up worse than was true.
Alas no. I will summarise what she said. I have thought about things so much that I almost can't separate what she said specifically from where I am now (in terms of having a theory or reasoning for the issues).
In literacy (writing specifically) T is an inconsistent performer. It is only Grade 2 but apparently they have assessment pieces which are what is used to grade the student. They do at least two practice pieces of the same nature. Apparently T's practice pieces were wonderful, but not his final assessments. Apparently she has to give him a low grade as a result. Weird, but really no worries for me - her words " He is an A student that due to inconsistency I have to grade as a C" Okay.
However this was not her major concern. Apparently T has been "disrespectful" to her and his classmates. Not listening, ignoring the needs of the group - not being part of the group. Well he is D and my child - both loners..... but anyway... I digress.
So on the night of my interview with her we discussed with T what respect means (yes another conversation we had not specifically had - like sportsmanship) and why you need to do your best at school.
However I really was racking my brains as to what to do. Does T have ADD? The teacher did imply it. When I did some research - geez he ticks off all the boxes. Dreamer, away with the fairies, only focuses on things he is interested in, disorganised, easily distracted, unable to focus through a series of tasks to the end..... Unfortunately this also applies to D at times. So there is an element of genetics I think.
After an initial panic - with all sorts of crazy notions going through my head - like send him to Churchie (boy centred education - no desks, lots of technology) or home school (no distractions of the group). I realised that Tom does not have ADD but he does suffer from AD at times. Like most of us. Like lots of boys. Like his father.
It is a matter of managing the AD - learning how to overcome it at the times when it is going to work against you.
And the end conclusion is - I dropped the ball. Last year I was in the classroom with T lots. I did his homework with him and extended at home. All was good. This year, for understandable reasons (like the extra child and challenging toddler) I have not been in the class room and I have simply let T do his homework unaided and I haven't extended him. I think he is bored in literacy frankly. Imagine doing the same piece of work three times when you had mastered it the first time? Nonetheless that is a skill he needs to learn - to manage his boredom.
In science and maths - no behaviour problems - and A grades no worries. He is like me - give me subjects with definitive answers! And no duplicate questions even if same strategy for solving.
He also needs to be a team player - even if it doesn't come naturally. He needs to model what respective behaviour is even when he doesn't feel it. Welcome to life Tom.
So the wonderful E (our nanny) will be engaged an extra hour or a two a day so I can get into the classroom during literacy and see what is going on. I can watch the behaviours that T is acting out and discuss it with him. I can get closer to the course work. Other mothers might hire a tutor, or go to a school more boy-centric but I choose to take it on board myself - because I love this aspect of parenting (as you know) and I want to.
So it has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions for me - but I am there now on a course of action - let's see how it goes - school goes back next week. Will keep you posted.
At the same time, E had a bad bout of asthma again - another trip to hospital in the ICU ambulance (same night as email from the teacher re T - yes much tears from this Mummy).
Also S was sleeping badly due to illness - though has come pretty good now - night before last I didn't feed him in 12 hours overnight! Miracle. Last night I fed him once but only because he is in our room at the beach shack where I am now and it is quieter just to feed him rather than wake all the monsters.
S is such a lovely baby. He is now rolling all over the room. None of my other kids did this! I put him down and then the next moment he is under the tv, or trying to get under the coffee table. So funny! He sleeps like clockwork during the day. He has his first little sharp tooth - came up without me noticing. And he eats! All day he will sit in his high chair and eat things handed to him. Like bread with butter, scones with jam, ham sticks, cheese sticks, and all our meals - pizza, beef curry (his favourite!), mashed potato (loves that too), sushi, beef teriyaki. He is a meat lover! He gnashes his gums on it and his little tongue pushes it around until he can swallow it. Clever boy.
Did I tell you I love S at this age? If I could hold him at this age - I would love to. Skip the toddler years and go straight to 3 years old .....
E is a tyrant and monster. Third child I guess. Third boy. Two years old. Bleh. With a monster personality - throwing, hitting, terrorising. But then he can be cuddly (briefly) and he is so beautiful to cuddle - all soft and squishy still. Sometimes he and William play so well together. About one time out of ten. Other times they need to be separated. Likewise W and T play well together. About one time out of two. W idolises T and when T doesn't want to play with him, it is the end of the world.
Behaviour management - works best when I am calm and I praise the positive and ignore the negative. Do you have ANY IDEA how hard it is to do that? Consistently? So easy to yell at the bad behaviour and punish it - but IT DOES NOT WORK. But it is the natural human response. It is what we would do with adults. Am I a bad person to understand the thinking of parents that beat their children? I manage to restrain myself most of the time but I really do understand how parents can lose it. It is one of the reasons I disagree with smacking. Because no one smacks a child when they are calm and in control - only when you have run out of other options. And that just shows a lack of imagination. Smacking, also, doesn't work. I've tried. It just doesn't work. I guess if it did - I would do it! But really it is the discipline of the unthinking parent, in my humble opinion. And I am that parent at times too! Just not the one I want to be.
So lots said, lots on my mind. Have another post in mind ..... will start that now too.
(small ps. Courier Mail yesterday had an article on mothers that drink. Hmmm thought provoking. I am one of the mothers described to a T in that article. As I sit typing this blog I have a glass of red at the ready. Makes the words flow more eloquently - or else just makes it SEEM like the words are flowing more eloquently! A bit to think about from that article - did anyone else read it?)