The reason I started to blog was as a record for my family and for me. I have a very bad long term memory. I don't know why. I have very little detailed recollection of my childhood and even my twenties. Even some of Tom's early days when I still ran my own business are gone. Damien asks me if I remember an event, and I don't. I live by my photos. And this blog now.
So the fact that I have been more or less AWOL this year is going to leave a great big gap in my life story! It has been a year of crisis and turmoil, and then decision and action and (hoping, praying) contentment. Now having said that, I don't really "do" contentment really well. I am more of a 'what's next?' kind of person, but I am hoping old age and perhaps just exhaustion may make contentment more possible.
Everything here in Melbourne has really worked out as well if not better than we had hoped. Today both William and Tom played soccer matches for Boroondara Eagles Football Club. It is pretty cool that their old club in Brisbane was Southside Eagles. So they are still Eagles. Just colder and muddier. It was a bitter last 36 hours in Melbourne even by my standards (I have been heard to say so often since we left Brisbane that the weather in Melbourne 'was in the brochure' - we knew what we were coming to so can a) my husband stop mentioning the cold and b) can people stop looking at me incredulously when I say that we moved from sun to cold). Anyway after hail, lightening, and SNOW in the neighbouring suburb (yup!) today started with torrential rain, but fortuitously by William's first game at 9am it was clear, dazzling blue sky but still very brisk.
My little five year old outdid himself! He loved every minute. He threw himself into every tackle and followed the ball all of the field. He passed. He setup goals. He scored goals. They played three games of 2 by 10 minute halves and he was wonderful. I am so proud of him, making friends and being a participator!
Thomas (apparently he prefers Thomas to Tom - who knew? Until his viola teacher asked him in front of me and he said Thomas! So much we don't know about our kids) also played really well. He was literally cheered onto the field when he subbed on by his new school friends and his soccer team. So much for me worrying about having friends at school. Thomas has a plantar wart on the sole of his foot. We had acid treatment last night so he was in a bit of pain today but he played through it and did a great save as goalie apparently (I missed it getting sausages for the other boys).
Mum and Dad have been amazingly helpful with the logistics that is four children and two jobs. It allows me to have more one on one time with each child which is great for my sanity and their enjoyment. We had a new au pair start a few weeks ago as well - to look after the kids when I am work three days per week. She is lovely, calm, gentle and the kids love her already. She is from Colombia and her English is amazing.
I have had issues with the heating in the house. Not good timing. Finally worked it out - after our one month electricity bill was $635. GULP. It is a crazy complex and old heater system with three control boxes, in floor heating and ceiling heating - one gas and one electric. I was told ERRONEOUSLY that the gas one did not work and that the electric one worked off the gas hot water which was VERY old and on its last legs. So if the hot water was running low the electric heating wouldn't work - which is wasn't though using oodles of electricity TRYING to work. Grr. Gas heating does work. Can turn off electric heater altogether. Yesterday resorted to fire in the family room all day. It radiated heat about a metre radius from itself. Then cold. Not very useful in a six bedroom, 3 bathroom, 2 storey rabbit warren of a house.
My work is really great. I love the process of work and the routine and the joy of being alone in a crowd. I love the team and getting to know people. And the work is unconscious for me in someways as I have been doing it since I was 21.
Speaking of unconscious. Read a book that really inspired me and "spoke" to me. The Social Animal by David Brooks. I am about to reread it and highlight important aspects. Why I liked it?
1) There is a large section on EDUCATION - and of course as readers of this blog know - this is a really big issue for me. It goes through what is wrong with our current way of thinking in "fixing" the disparity gap in education between rich and poor. Really don't get me started on this unless you have a few bottles of red wine at the ready. I feel very passionately about teaching. (Why not be a teacher you ask? Selfishly, mainly because of the poor pay. And that I need to go back to uni full time for 2 years, once again not financially viable. If someone would pay me what I earn now and allow me to do a 6 week or on the job training, I would do it in less than a heartbeat. Any takers?)
2) It talks about people as not rational beings, but rather emotionally driven beings that use reason often to underwrite the decisions they have actually already made. He explains this a lot better than me. But in my work over the last 15 years particularly, I realise how much a sound argument is pretty useless as a persuasive tool. Otherwise no one would smoke really. Yet we operate in this world as if simply more knowledge will help us make better decisions. Everything I read, makes me so in awe of Tony Robbins and his work. Tony had it right, right from the beginning, years ago - yet so many people poopooed him as pop psychology blah blah. I recently downloaded his book Awaken the Giant Within on audiotape for when I had to drive to Toowoomba for my old work. I realise how much of what Tony taught me in my weekend with him (and 2000 others) (Unleash the Power Within in 2004) has become so much a part of who I am that I had forgotten he was the person who originally planted it all there. I probably will do a few more of his courses once I am through the baby days. I will try and avoid the cultish aspects of it though. As with all good things, it can be taken to extremes by some!
3) A raft of other things I am a big believer in. I will re read and summarise at some stage.
So this blog post has covered a lot. But there is more to go! When I am on a roll I am going to roll with it.
D is in Brisbane for a boys weekend. I am missing him. I miss him during the day when I think about the evening and know he will not be around to share it. I really do love his company - we are so lucky to have each other which is completely gushing and may come across as ridiculous, but this move and our joint decisions and how we respect each other but can call each out as is appropriate is awesome. I think also we are very gentle with each other. Our pointy bits are rarely pointed out by each other. As a marriage course I once did (a Jewish one - long story - but a friend recommended it) stated, "learn to look out the other window" - meaning if you see something you don't like in your partner stop dwelling on it and remember the wonderful things they do. Swap your point of focus. Works a treat - really. Without having done said course, I think D does this for me extensively - as there are a lot of pointy bits!
Sammy and Tommy are with their grandparents tonight. Very weird and disconcerting not having the squishy, fluffy one (Sammy) in the house with me. But he was very excited to be going for a sleepover with Bumpa! I am SOOOO looking forward to putting the cartoons on tomorrow morning for E and W so that I can sleep in. S is getting closer to the "being able to watch tv" milestone ...... but is not there yet. So when he is awake and moving at 6, so am I. Ouch.
Jasmine has settled into Melbourne life very easily. She is sitting on my bed beside me now. She rarely leaves the bed. I think she is in shock everytime she goes out to toilet herself with the cold. She is literally out for 30 seconds before demanding to come back in. I think it was so cold last night she didn't go out and has disgraced herself in the woodpile beside the fire and in the boys bedroom. I can't find where though yet. Damien can do that on his return - welcome home, honey! She has puffed up too - much more fluffy. Her tolerance of William and Eddie is growing, but Sammy sends her scurrying anytime he is within a metres range.
I am missing homeschooling. I am missing the curriculum we were doing. The curriculum is the biggest issue I have with public schooling. But what can I do really? I have to work financially. If I could click my fingers and have lots of money I would create my own school based on classical education philosophies, and I would create a school that makes a real difference for children from disadvantaged homes (boarding school it would be too) - a school that works to impact the unconscious and conscious minds - using technologies embodied by Tony Robbins and now verified by the scientists - a school with high expectations and demanding challenges for kids and the care and nurturing required for them to reach these expectations - a school that not only teaches but builds self esteem and a belief in hard work not talent or inherited gifts - a school that teaches the past so that kids can learn from the past, a school that provides kids with core knowledge, asks them to synthesize that and then form opinions, not simply form any old opinion .... sigh.... maybe one day. Put it out to the universe now .....
Note to self - Welcome back Jane!