Well as I just restarted blogging, the whole house (and I mean the whole house - four kids, au pair and exchange student) came down with a lingering high temperature gastro bug. And of course, Damien was away in Sydney and Perth for the week. How does he time it so?!
So I discovered we are a bucket deficient house and ended up resorting to Tupperware. I knew there was a reason I had so much of the stuff!
I also started back without meaning to on my fitness campaign - running up and down stairs between Eddie vomits and Tom vomits (luckily half hourly each on the opposite quarter hour). Until early in the morning.
My other excuse for not blogging is that I do not currently possess a working laptop. So if my grammar or punctuation is dificient it is because I am typing on a iPad and I am too lazy to switch keyboard screens for such items as brackets, semicolons, etc. I blog in bed. I do not blog at a desk. So that means less easy blogging. And given I have just left my full time, decent earning job, no laptop is pending. So we will see.
My other excuse is that when I have a me time moment - I am exercising. Having been so emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed, drained - I need some endorphins. Isn't it ironic that when one is in the midst of the shit storm, the cure of exercise is so un appealing and downright offensive when suggested? "I am so tired, how could you think I'd be up to a run?" - hmm, aargh, never heard from my lips .... Not (wow impressive double negatives there - did you get it?). But now that there is a light at the end of the tunnel that I am believing and have faith that it is not an oncoming train, all I crave is exercise. Spring raising her sleep eyes from the downy winter pillow also helps. As does living in such a stunningly beautiful suburb and being a voyeur.
Where was I? That's right excuses.
Also I really feel I have so much to say and share I am not sure where to start. I also have so many online, multiple income stream business ideas, that I also don't know where to start.
So where I am starting is to be okay not doing anything much goal oriented but just slowing down, as much as one can as a mother of four (who still quasi-home schools and is a Suzuki piano and viola parent).
Really it would be so much easier if a) I was less opinionated about my children's education and b)didn't believe that music lessons from an early age are so valuable for learning about perseverance and generating invaluable neural connections . Of course the fact I am like that makes my life harder in some respects, but the overriding positive of it is the relationship that working with my kids on these two areas has had a profound impact on the depth of the relationship I have with Tom and William. I hope it holds us in good stead for the challenges of teenage hood and beyond. Keep ya posted on that one. At least, if I'm wrong it will provide a cautionary tale for others!
Which brings me to a topic worth discussing. Failure. Risk taking. Road less travelled. Being different, or at least feeling it.
I have a story to tell. Not now, not on an iPad keyboard where the words can't flow. But it has something to do with, rightly or wrongly, not being good at contentment. Being (too?) eager to bring change on. To being (too much of) a risk taker. You know all those Facebook posts about daring to aim for the stars, live your dreams, take risks, don't be satisfied.... Yeah I have a natural overdose of that. I need posts that say .... Take the moon, stop bloody aiming for the stars, your dreams might not work out, reality now is pretty good - enjoy it, risks can be painful, don't take too many, be satisfied.
But if one is of my nature, the journey is necessarily tumultuous. High highs, low lows. And in the clouds, or the mud, I easily forget that it is a journey. Attachment rears her ugly head. Then I come out the other side and I get slapped in the face with a wet fish labelled, "This too shall pass". And I breathe and keep going.
This blog is the keep going. Thanks for reading.